... an exciting new season of drama!
LOCKDOWN SQUAD...
[A quiet, socially-distanced police station. Suddenly-]
PC WATKINS: We've had a report of three people sunbathing in St. James' Park, Sarge - and they're only 1.8 metres apart!
SGT. CLARK: Quick, Watkins, we haven't got much time! Round up every patronising, overzealous junior officer you can find and get down there ASAP. We'll show those lockdown-dodgers what happens when you don't comply with deeply flawed government guidelines.
PC GRIFFITHS: But, Sarge, what if they're from the same household?
SGT. CLARK: I don't make the rules, son. I just abuse them...
LOVE IN THE TIME OF CORONAVIRUS...
[Cut to a young couple video-dating.]
TREV: Simone, there's- there's something I have to tell you...
SIMONE: What is it-?
TREV: These last two months have been the happiest of my life.
SIMONE: Me, too, Trev!
TREV: Talking to you makes everything feel new again, as though all that shit going on outside doesn't seem to matter. It's like there's a whole new world waiting for us when this thing blows over. And when we can finally venture outside and meet each other, it'll be ours for the taking.
SIMONE: Oh, Trev - that's beautiful!
TREV: I love you, Simone.
SIMONE: And I love you...
[She licks her lips sexily as he unzips his fly.]
...the return of
DOCTOR WHO...
[The Doctor and her companions Ryan, Yasmin and Graham are sat around the TARDIS console, arms crossed and looking distinctly bored.]
GRAHAM: But, Doctor, surely it wouldn't hurt nipping outside just for an hour?
THE DOCTOR: Not bloomin' likely! For the sake of the universe we've got to stay indoors till the government tells us otherwise.
GRAHAM: [Mutters] David Tennant would let us go out...
THE DOCTOR: Ooh, you sexist pig, Graham! I've had it up to here with your white male privilege, you-
...and the new normal comes to Albert Square in
EASTENDERS.
[Cut to empty interior of the Queen Vic, the eerie silence broken only by the ominous tick-tick of a wall clock.]
That's the new season of drama, coming this summer on BBC One!
Or you can always read a good book, of course.
Actually, yeah - do that.
