Cue music: "Born to Lose" by Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers.
Cut to: backstage at the 100 Club, London; the Sex Pistols are cramped into a tatty dressing room filled with beer cans and overflowing ashtrays. Johnny Rotten pops his zits into the mirror as Glen Matlock and Paul Cook enjoy a game of Gin Rummy. Jordan sits in the corner reading Valerie Solanos' SCUM Manifesto while touching up her nail polish. A toilet flushes and a pale, visibly nervous Steve Jones walks in. He tears a loose Showaddywaddy poster off the wall and wipes a bit of sick from the side of his mouth.
JONES: [Queasy] Oh, fuck shit bollocks wanker cunt....
JORDAN: [Laughs] Limp dick spunk squit toxic masculinity, guy!
JONES: Bollocks shit bugger tit low self-esteem turd.
ROTTEN: [Sneers] Arsehole. Anarchy fuck shit dirty bastard git.
JONES: [Shouts] Piss shit wanker willy bum, tosser!
JORDAN: Quim fanny vulva revolution cunt.
ROTTEN: Fuck twat. Bastard bollocks wanker cock.
JORDAN: Knackers knob prick - minge emancipation clit!
ROTTEN: Used tampon fart crap slag orgy.
Jones advances on Rotten.
JONES: Misogynist cunt...
Cut to corridor: Malcolm McClaren and Vivienne Westwood knock on the dressing room door.
McCLAREN: Watt Tyler peasant's revolt Situationism Guy Debord Foucault.
WESTWOOD: Luxemburg Kahlo Arendt de Beauvoir?
McCLAREN: [Snorts] Derek Jarman... Paris Commune Dada Eco Kant.
We suddenly hear a loud crash from the dressing room.
WESTWOOD: Stein-?
McCLAREN: [Sighs] Weber Nietzsche Junger Fromm.
They force open the door to find Rotten and Jones exchanging blows, Matlock and Cook trying to separate them as Jordan nonchalantly smokes a cigarette.
McCLAREN: Warhol! Breton Decemberist Duchamp...
JONES: [Grabbing Rotten's throat] Smug snide shit-stirring bastard cock cunt twat sod rotter!
ROTTEN: ABBA loving wanker!
JORDAN: [Shouts] Male fragility castration complex penis envy, prostate!
Jones releases Rotten and they step back, catching their breath.
McCLAREN: [Shakes head, then-] Sex Pistols. Punk. 1976. Rebellion, revolution, insurrection, anarchy, nihilism, mutiny, insurgency-
Cue music: "New Rose" by the Damned
Cut to montage: the Queen waving from her carriage during the Silver Jubilee procession; an elderly lady at a bus stop; the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace; skinheads tearing up the stands at a football match; top-hatted crowds at Ascot; working-class children playing on waste ground; James Callaghan shaking hands with Jimmy Carter; footballer Robin Friday making the 'v'-sign at Milija Aleksic; Enoch Powell denouncing the Common Market; Asian migrants in Bradford; city gents on their way to work; unemployed young people queuing outside a job centre; etc.
McCLAREN: [Continuous] -liberation, coup, overthrow, sedition, subversion, youth culture, subculture, T-Rex, David Bowie, Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, MC5, New York Dolls, Bob Marley, Gill Scott-Heron, Burroughs, Kerouac, Ginsberg, Solzhenitsyn, Genet, Céline, Sartre, Camus, Rimbaud, Henry Miller, Bukowski, anti-glam, anti-prog, anti-disco, anti-pop, anti-fascist, anti-communist, anti-capitalist, anti-monarchist, anti-government, anti-establishment, antithetical, malcontents, outsiders and ne'er-do-wells. You. Punk. Spirit of '76. The Sex Pistols...
Pause, then-
ROTTEN: [Belches] Bollocks.
Don't forget to tune in next time for more incomprehensible dialogue, swearing, spitting, overuse of stock footage, middle-class drama graduates pretending to be working-class, choice tracks from Danny Boyle's record collection and laughably earnest talk about youth rebellion designed to make you forget you're watching a Disney product.
