WordJam: January 2020

Friday 10 January 2020

Harry and Meghan: WordJam Cashes In...

They just keep on giving, God bless 'em.

Wednesday 1 January 2020

New Decade, New WordJam!

Special thanks to Emily Pearson

Well here it is, folks: the glorious new space-year 2020! I can’t help noticing it looks nothing like the World of Tomorrow we were promised in Blade Runner, Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet or Godzilla: Final Wars, but that’s the movies for you.

Anyway, as we take our first slow, steady steps into a new era, let's just pause for a minute and reflect on the decade we're leaving behind. All in all, the 2010s were... well, a bit shit, really, weren't they? Never mind recession, austerity, protests, culture wars and a sharp rise in extremism, I refuse to accept anyone can look back fondly at a time when the most popular movies were glorified soap operas where all the characters wore rubber suits, and the likes of Taylor Swift and Sam Smith could ever be considered serious creative artists.

But then, you don't get many page hits being a miserable bastard who finds the world an incomprehensible, populist nightmare. People want glamour and clickbait, not jokes about dead politicians and obscure film references. 2020, y'all. So here's a taster of some of the exciting new features you can expect to see in the new and improved WordJam in the coming months...

CELEBRITY GOSSIP!

R. Kelly and Greta Thunberg: "When we're together, the house really is on fire..."

FRANCHISE NEWS!

Kathleen Kennedy: "Keep drinking the woke Kool-Aid and forget this is all just a multi-billion dollar corporate scam, you fucking zombies."

MEMES!

...All this and more, coming up on WordJam: the greatest blog on the ethernet!

But if that isn't enough to whet your appetite, just dig these endorsements from some of your favourite stars...

JUSTIN TRUDEAU:

"Dis sho am good!"

MADONNA:

"Chuffin' brilliant."

BRIE LARSON:

"Your mother sucks privileged white cocks in hell."

...and
ED SHEERAN:

"As an international superstar with both popular and critical acclaim, I can honestly say WordJam is a blog that people read."

Onwards, folks!

"Are you a sad, lonely individual obsessed with conspiracy theories and Schwarzenegger movies? Then why not try the Bellingcat social network? Just log onto our website and we'll hook you up with other sub-xenophobic, warmongering bastards who have next to no understanding of global politics or how journalism actually works. Who knows? In no time at all YOU could find yourself on the advisory panel of a reactionary, NATO-sponsored think tank developing hypothetical military strategies that bring us closer to World War III! So visit Bellingcat.org today to let your warped world view and social malaise endanger the lives of everyone on the planet."

Trivial Shit That Really Pisses Me Off (AKA: 'It's a Conspiracy, I Tells Ya...')

DVD has long been a godsend for fans of world cinema, especially when the films you're interested in watching have either failed to pick up theatrical distribution in your country or are unavailable via streaming services. Having said that, it's not very reassuring to find the people responsible for marketing these home media releases either have absolutely no awareness of the content of the films they're trying to promote, or - and this is more likely - are quite happy to mislead undiscerning DVD hounds with cover art that bears very little relation to the flicks they're pushing in the hope of making a quick buck. (As a fan of German and Russian cinema, I find this tends to be a regular feature of my consumer life.) I therefore present some examples of this ignorant and, dare I say it, underhanded practice in the vain hope that someone at Entertainment One, Metrodome or the otherwise excellent Arrow Video is actually reading this.

Bring on the accused...

Gagarin: First in Space - DVD release

For some reason, the Entertainment One DVD shows Gagarin as a combination of Keir Dullea wandering around the Regency-era bedroom in '2001: A Space Odyssey', Sandra Bullock holding on for dear life in 'Gravity' and John Hurt about to be orally-raped in 'Alien'. The original theatrical poster may be a little clichéd with its profile shot of Yaroslav Zhalin staring into eternity, but at least it's trying to be awe-inspiring rather than suggesting - somewhat cynically, I think - that the first human being's journey into space was, well, a bit boring.

2. Anonyma: A Woman in Berlin - theatrical poster

Max Färberböck's adaptation of 'Eine Frau in Berlin', based on the anonymous memoirs of a female journalist caught between sexual violence and emotional dependency in the dying days of the Second World War, was immediately controversial upon its release in Germany, and it doesn't require a doctorate in philosophy to understand why. Although it may not be the most sophisticated of films to deal with this subject matter, it's still a very powerful meditation on identity and gender politics that's still horribly relevant wherever women are caught in warzones and forced to compromise themselves, either against their will or to guarantee the safety of the people they love.

Anonyma: A Woman in Berlin - DVD release

"Fuck that: let's put Nina Hoss in a beret and make it look like an espionage thriller instead! While we're at it, we'll make that bloke stood next to her look like a Nazi of some kind. It's all right, no one'll know he's from the Red Army - unless they're the sort of sad bastards who watch the History Channel. And why don't we stick a bunch of planes in the background? Everyone loves an aerial dogfight. Actually, we could do with changing the title, too. What was that really good flick that came out a few years ago called? You know - the one about Hitler in the bunker?"