WordJam: January 2018

Monday 1 January 2018

New Year, New WordJam!

Well, not really.

As WordJam races towards its second birthday, I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank all my readers for their continued support. It's been a pleasure, guys.

But this isn't the end! There's plenty more to come in the months ahead...

HUMOUR!

"I say, I say: my wife's suffering from radiation sickness due to a North Korean nuclear missile falling short of the US mainland and landing on an island in the West Indies where she happened to be stationed at a local hospital in preparation for such a scenario."

"Jamaica?"

"No, she went there to provide medical assistance of her own accord..."

FILM ESSAYS!

"...And I can honestly say, without fear of contradiction, Sharknado 4 is the greatest movie ever to boast a shark, a tornado, and a film poster resembling the one for The Force Awakens..."

COMMENTARY!

"...And from one incompetent, corrupt, geriatric media whore to another, I say to you, Mr Trump: DON'T BUILD THAT FUCKING WALL..."

COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!

...Yep, all that and more is coming up in 2018 on WordJam: the greatest blog on the ethernet.

But don't take my word for it: let's hear what the great and good are saying about WordJam...

"Richard English is a fat, attention-seeking git." - Kim Jong-un

"I don't give a flaming fuck about WordJam, or the sad, sorry bastard behind it." - Rupert Murdoch

"Like Laurence Sterne, Lenny Bruce and Lady Gaga, Richard English disassembles faux-intellectual pretension with Occam-like precision without pandering to popular trends. #WordJamPML." - Alan Yentob

"What's a blog?" - Theresa May

Onwards, folks!

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Trivial Shit That Really Pisses Me Off (AKA: 'It's a Conspiracy, I Tells Ya...')

DVD has long been a godsend for fans of world cinema, especially when the films you're interested in watching have either failed to pick up theatrical distribution in your country or are unavailable via streaming services. Having said that, it's not very reassuring to find the people responsible for marketing these home media releases either have absolutely no awareness of the content of the films they're trying to promote, or - and this is more likely - are quite happy to mislead undiscerning DVD hounds with cover art that bears very little relation to the flicks they're pushing in the hope of making a quick buck. (As a fan of German and Russian cinema, I find this tends to be a regular feature of my consumer life.) I therefore present some examples of this ignorant and, dare I say it, underhanded practice in the vain hope that someone at Entertainment One, Metrodome or the otherwise excellent Arrow Video is actually reading this.

Bring on the accused...

Gagarin: First in Space - DVD release

For some reason, the Entertainment One DVD shows Gagarin as a combination of Keir Dullea wandering around the Regency-era bedroom in '2001: A Space Odyssey', Sandra Bullock holding on for dear life in 'Gravity' and John Hurt about to be orally-raped in 'Alien'. The original theatrical poster may be a little clichéd with its profile shot of Yaroslav Zhalin staring into eternity, but at least it's trying to be awe-inspiring rather than suggesting - somewhat cynically, I think - that the first human being's journey into space was, well, a bit boring.

2. Anonyma: A Woman in Berlin - theatrical poster

Max Färberböck's adaptation of 'Eine Frau in Berlin', based on the anonymous memoirs of a female journalist caught between sexual violence and emotional dependency in the dying days of the Second World War, was immediately controversial upon its release in Germany, and it doesn't require a doctorate in philosophy to understand why. Although it may not be the most sophisticated of films to deal with this subject matter, it's still a very powerful meditation on identity and gender politics that's still horribly relevant wherever women are caught in warzones and forced to compromise themselves, either against their will or to guarantee the safety of the people they love.

Anonyma: A Woman in Berlin - DVD release

"Fuck that: let's put Nina Hoss in a beret and make it look like an espionage thriller instead! While we're at it, we'll make that bloke stood next to her look like a Nazi of some kind. It's all right, no one'll know he's from the Red Army - unless they're the sort of sad bastards who watch the History Channel. And why don't we stick a bunch of planes in the background? Everyone loves an aerial dogfight. Actually, we could do with changing the title, too. What was that really good flick that came out a few years ago called? You know - the one about Hitler in the bunker?"