We all know January 6, 2021 was the darkest day in world history: more earth-shattering than the day Hitler was born and Bud Light ended its sponsorship deal with Dylan Mulvaney combined. But you know, when terrible, life-changing events happen people need something to cling to. Something that gives them clarity and meaning - or better still, a chance to keep grinding the axe of bitterness and resentment that keeps this grand old world of ours spinning. That's why WordJam, in conjunction with the New York Times Printing Company and the Guardian Media Group, is delighted to present the January 6 Commemorative Coin!
For a mere $59⁹.99, you too can own this fine memento of that fateful day three years ago when a violent, hate-fuelled insurrectionist sat in Nancy Pelosi's chair while some guy dressed like a Viking wandered pointlessly around the corridors of power taking selfies next to busts of long-dead Congressmen. Each coin is made from the finest oxidized alumina and bears the Latin inscription 'Peius Quam IX/XX, Excretorum in Pearl Harbor' ("Worse Than 9/11, Shits on Pearl Harbor") and is lovingly hand-painted to vaguely resemble the Stars and Stripes, recognized by every self-respecting American as a colonialist symbol.
But don't take our word for it! Check out these endorsements from some of our satisfied customers:
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So don't delay! Dial 07771622582 now to order your very own January 6 Commemorative Coin, and you too can unhealthily relive The Day Democracy Nearly Died™ over and over and over again!
[Calls cost $500 from a landline. Mobile charges will be considerably higher and may require you to remortgage your house. By using this service you agree to receive promotional literature for the Democrats, mandatory Covid vaccinations for your children and regular screening of all electronic messages and transactions by the National Security Agency. Failure to comply with terms and conditions of purchase will automatically lead to imprisonment, where you'll be shanked in your cell by a government agent posing as a Puerto Rican child molester.]
