* * * * *
1. Babushka is:
a) Russian for grandmother
b) a song by Kate Bush
c) a lady’s front bottom
2. The President of Venezuela is:
a) Nicolás Madura
b) Juan Guaidó
c) Donald Trump
3. Trade wars are:
a) a product of aggressive capitalism
b) necessary so those rag-heads and Chinkies don’t get above their station
c) when two male prostitutes have a cat fight
4. Socialism is:
a) a political and economic theory of social organization advocating workers’ control over the means of production, community control over the environment and state ownership of industry
b) worse than the c-word
c) when you go out a lot and meet people and that
5. Covert surveillance is:
a) an infringement of basic civil liberties
b) good for catching paedos and terrorists - just so long as no one’s watching me, thank you very much
c) when two birds get it together on a webcam
6. Fake news is:
a) an invention of Western governments to deride journalism that doesn’t fit with their political narrative
b) a diabolical scheme by that nut job in the Kremlin to undermine basic Western values of liberty and democracy
c) buggered if I know
7. Western intervention in the Syrian Civil War is:
a) an excuse to affect regime change
b) important for stabilizing the region as it endures the worst humanitarian crisis since the Holocaust... Plus there's loads of oil there, too
c) what do you want from me?
8. Allegations of Russian interference in the 2016 US Presidential Election are:
a) a way of exonerating the American public for voting in a boorish, brain dead arsehole by pretending it wasn't their fault
b) 100% true, and Mueller's gonna prove it one way or another, just you see
c) shut up, I'm trying to watch this
9. North Korean nuclear disarmament is:
a) possible, but only if the US honour their side of the agreement
b) naive bollocks. Dream on, chum
c) LOOK, I WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN
10. Should the UK have a second EU referendum?
a) no
b) yes
c) all of the above
* * * * *
So, how did you do?
Mostly a): Bloody hell, son - you better curb all this thinking for yourself lark and quick! If you're not careful you'll find yourself in a detention centre somewhere off the Isle of Wight with big, burly men shining lights in your eyes and shouting. Give Keeping Up with the Kardashians a go: that'll kill a few of those overactive brain cells.
Mostly b): You have a limited capacity for original thinking which, strictly speaking, isn't a problem, but it could land you in serious difficulties if you attempt to share your views in everyday conversation. Have you thought about a job at News Corp? Just think of all those op-ed pieces you could pour all that bile into.
Mostly c): You really are a model citizen. Do you have a pulse?
