Boris Johnson Becomes Prime Minister, or: "Waiting for the Worms"

I've spent the best part of eight hours trying to write a satirical piece about Boris' victory in the Conservative leadership election, but my sense of humour gave up on me.

Instead, on behalf of all my readers in Belgium, Egypt, France, Germany, India, the Republic of Ireland, Israel, Italy, South Korea, Palestine, Portugal, Russia, Spain, Ukraine, the United Arab Emirates and the United States, I'd like to apologise that this utter waste of skin and organs has become the voice for the UK on the international stage. This man hates you, but not as much as he hates his own people.

As for my UK readers, specifically those who thought this "infant in a man's clothes" would be hilarious as Prime Minister (because nowadays everything is showbiz, even politics), let's see how amusing it is in 18 months' time. I'd like to say I find the prospect of Johnson stood next to genuine statespeople such as Narendra Modi, Xi Jinping, Merkel, Macron and Putin at the next G20 pants-wettingly funny (like Mr Bean at a science fair), but if I've got to step over corpses in the street to do so the price far outweighs the punchline.

© Pink Floyd/EMI Records (UK)