Special thanks to Emily Pearson
Well here it is, folks: the glorious new space-year 2020! I can’t help noticing it looks nothing like the World of Tomorrow we were promised in Blade Runner, Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet or Godzilla: Final Wars, but that’s the movies for you.
Anyway, as we take our first slow, steady steps into a new era, let's just pause for a minute and reflect on the decade we're leaving behind. All in all, the 2010s were... well, a bit shit, really, weren't they? Never mind recession, austerity, protests, culture wars and a sharp rise in extremism, I refuse to accept anyone can look back fondly at a time when the most popular movies were glorified soap operas where all the characters wore rubber suits, and the likes of Taylor Swift and Sam Smith could ever be considered serious creative artists.
But then, you don't get many page hits being a miserable bastard who finds the world an incomprehensible, populist nightmare. People want glamour and clickbait, not jokes about dead politicians and obscure film references. 2020, y'all. So here's a taster of some of the exciting new features you can expect to see in the new and improved WordJam in the coming months...
CELEBRITY GOSSIP!
R. Kelly and Greta Thunberg: "When we're together, the house really is on fire..."
FRANCHISE NEWS!
Kathleen Kennedy: "Keep drinking the woke Kool-Aid and forget this is all just a multi-billion dollar corporate scam, you fucking zombies."
MEMES!
...All this and more, coming up on WordJam: the greatest blog on the ethernet!
But if that isn't enough to whet your appetite, just dig these endorsements from some of your favourite stars...
JUSTIN TRUDEAU:
"Dis sho am good!"
MADONNA:
"Chuffin' brilliant."
BRIE LARSON:
"Your mother sucks privileged white cocks in hell."
...and
ED SHEERAN:
ED SHEERAN:
"As an international superstar with both popular and critical acclaim, I can honestly say WordJam is a blog that people read."
Onwards, folks!
