Still from Charley Says: Don't Talk to Strangers (1973)
If the Covid pandemic has taught us anything - you know, apart from western governments' obvious disdain for fundamental democratic concepts such as liberty and freedom - it's that no one knows how to make a half-decent public information film any more. True, guidelines have changed considerably since their glory days back in the 1970s, but if you're a fan of the genre you know that PIFs are nowhere near as memorable or effective if they don't scare the living shit out of you.
Case in point, take this recent example put out by the Scottish government last year:
Not bad, I suppose (well, if you're the easily suggestible type, of course) - but where's the really horrific bit that burns itself onto your retina? Where's the bit that makes you wake up in a cold sweat when it comes crashing into your dreams? Or, to put it another way, where's the drama?
On this flimsy pretext, WordJam takes you back in time to an era when PIFs meant something. An era marked by rapidly changing social attitudes, economic instability and questionable fashion sense. An era when an evening's television or trip to the cinema could be punctured by a desperately earnest, hard-hitting piece about the evils waiting for you outside your front door, or in some cases in your own home.
In short, welcome to the strange yet beautiful world of 1970s public information films...
* * * * *
10.
Joe's Way
(d. Peter Hart, 1975)
Are you a twenty-something dreamer with pathologically poor time-keeping skills? Think running across the road without checking for oncoming traffic will get you to work sooner, or give your girlfriend less reason to complain about your tardiness on date night? Well, take a tip from poor Joe and learn some punctuality instead. At the very least, it's got to be easier than ending up with a shattered pelvis and legs resembling slinky toys.
That bloke in the dirty raincoat handing out sweets by the park swings may come across like a lovable eccentric, but have you considered what his true motives are? Perhaps he's a modern-day Fagin trying to put together a gang of pint-sized handkerchief thieves, or a mad scientist intent on harvesting children for their organs to build a monstrous henchman ready to do his evil bidding? Whatever his intentions, heed this film's advice and stay well away.
Do kids still play with kites? I suppose they have Nintendo Entertainment Systems and compact discs of popular beat combos to keep them occupied now. Either way, I bet there are still plenty of pre-pubescent ninnies who think climbing up telegraph poles would be good for a laugh, in which case this film maintains at least some relevance. Having said that, I can't help wondering if the electrocution effects are just a bit too Top of the Pops to get the message across.
Train enthusiast, aspiring footballer and impossibly annoying eight-year old Robbie Heywood gives in to peer pressure and trespasses on the railway line - with tragic consequences. Well, I say 'tragic': for someone who presents himself as a holier-than-thou, goody two-shoes he's surprisingly gullible and weak-minded. When the inevitable happens, you'll not only find yourself pontificating on the folly of hubris but also shouting "You twat, Robbie!" at the screen.
I know, I know, this article isn't exactly up to my usual standards - but you try juggling a dull 9-5 job with a writing career and a blog, then, Mr Clever-Clogs, and see where it gets you. Eh? EH? I could've been one of the writers on the new series of Spitting Image, you know, if it wasn't for the producers scaling back on content that wasn't pro-Biden/Starmer. Anyway, here's a film about some creepy space kids watching their human contemporaries get mangled on building sites. Enjoy.
Ever had one of those nightmares where you're wandering around an old, creepy building with nothing but a feeling of impending doom to keep you company? Just add a fire safety message to the mix and you get this exquisitely eerie 30-second masterpiece that made a million couples forego the traditional post-coital smoke and opt for a nice, safe cup of tea instead. 'Course, when I make love the sex is so good even the neighbours have a cigarette afterwards. Believe.
A bunch of kids play Cowboys and Indians on a farm; cue scenes of mutilation, electrocution and poisoning that are a lot more entertaining than they should be. Apaches director John Mackenzie would later go on to direct the superlative television play Just a Boys' Game, described by none other than Martin Scorsese as "the Scottish Mean Streets", and the ground-breaking gangster film The Long Good Friday. Sadly, neither drama features someone being crushed by a runaway tractor.
Barrie Ingham (AKA Alydon from Dr. Who and the Daleks, genre fans) plays an automobile journalist obsessed with a phantom car that keeps cutting him off on the motorway... or is it the other way round?You'll see the twist coming a mile away, but this low-budget sister film to Spielberg's Duel has such a hypnotic atmosphere and attention to period detail you won't really care. Plus it also features Pamela Salem in a revealing miniskirt. That's not very important, but y'know - I like Pamela Salem. And miniskirts.
If Ingmar Bergman ever decided to make a PIF on the side, it would probably have ended up like this. Unlike other water safety PIFs of the era, Jeff Grant's film eschews humour and child-friendly messaging for metaphysical horror. "I am the Spirit of Dark and Lonely Water," intones a hooded figure voiced by Donald Pleasence, "ready to trap the unwary, the show-off, the fool..." For a whole generation of kids, this was their equivalent of "Are you ready for Freddy?" or "Hi, I'm Chucky! Wanna play?"
Ever wondered what it would be like holding a children's sports day on an active railway line? Well, wonder no more as legendary PIF director John Krish takes us on a gut-churning, nightmarish journey that can only be described as Grange Hill meets Battle Royale. Who knows: if Robbie had seen this perhaps he wouldn't have climbed through that hole in the fence and gone on to win a trial for Manchester United instead of winding up in a wheelchair with only a lifetime subscription to Men Only to see him through.
Today's Topic: Is the US right to pull out of Afghanistan?
JUstinBieberLover39888655592 - August 18, 18:15 I wish peeple wud leave simone biles a lone. shes jus lookin out for her men tal health. wats wrong with that
RussiaBot1917 - August 18, 18:16 Go back to sleep, dum-dum.
Biden2024 - August 18, 18:18 I think Biden's right to pull the troops out of Afghanistan. If anyone's to blame for the humanitarian crisis taking place there right now it's Trump.
MAGA1776 - August 18, 18:21 Sure, why not? It's not as if Sleepy Joe and the Dems have blamed him for anything else that's gone wrong on their watch, like the border crisis or inflation.
RussiaBot1917 - August 18, 18:23 If Reagan hadn't supported the Mujahideen in the Soviet-Afghan War there wouldn't even be a Taliban.
Biden2024 - August 18, 18:24 @RussiaBot1917: 100% this. Republicans have always been scum.
Biden2024 - August 18, 18:25 @MAGA1776: Give my regards to the wrong side of history, Trumptard.
RussiaBot1917 - August 18, 18:28 Then again, if Clinton hadn't sent them off to fight in Bosnia by making out Islam was under threat they wouldn't have been radicalised and attacked the World Trade Center.
MAGA1776 - August 18, 18:29 @RussiaBot1917: 100% THIS.
MAGA1776 - August 18, 18:30 @Biden2024: How's it looking on your side of history, Comrade Libtard?
BLM4EVA1865 - August 18, 18:43 So a bunch of white dudes go into a BIPOC community, brutalize everyone then leave without acknowledging the trauma they've caused? Hmmm... Isn't there a name for that? Oh yeah: WHITE FLIGHT. Calling it anything else is racist.
RainbowPrincess456 - August 18, 18:51 @BLM4EVA1865: Totally. This whole 'war on terror' has been informed by cis-het white male privilege right from the start. It makes me sad beyond words we're leaving Afghan womxn of all genders to fend for themselves.#Transafghanlivesmatter
KarenKilla - August 18, 18:58 America deserves to get it's ass kicked for acting like a whiny little bitch and invading Afghanistan for no reason at all.
MAGA1776 - August 18, 19:04 Erm... you people do know why we went in, right?
KarenKilla - August 18, 19:07 @MAGA1776: Yes, because Islamophobic fascists like you called the manager on some AFghan tourist's who just wanted to get a closer look at the WTC.
WhoWatchesTheWatchmen9/11 - August 18, 19:15 WAKE UP, people. The hijackers on those planes were just patsies for the REAL terrorists...
RussiaBot1917 - August 18, 19:16 Yeah, al-Qaeda.
WhoWatchesTheWatchmen9/11 - August 18, 19:16 No.
RussiaBot1917 - August 18, 19:18 Go on, then.
WhoWatchesTheWatchmen9/11 - August 18, 19:19 (((The Children Of The Circumcision)))
RussiaBot1917 - August 18, 19:20 That's what I said - Jihadists.
RainbowPrincess456 - August 18, 19:31 @RussiaBot1917: One of my besties (FYI, ALL my friends are best friends - including you guys!) was assigned female at birth by her Jewish parents, but now he's come out as genderfluid she may or may not choose to identify as circumcised when he feels male. The fact you immediately associate this particular characteristic with certain groups is deeply exclusionary and says a lot about your attitude to trans people.#Anyonecanhaveapenis
KarenKilla - August 18, 19:47 @RussiaBot1917: It wasn't Muslim's who attacked the Capitol.
RussiaBot1917 - August 18, 19:52 ...And your point is-?
KarenKilla - August 18, 19:55 White supremacist's are the real terrorist's.
RussiaBot1917 - August 18, 19:59 Strange, I don't recall Bin Laden ever wearing a MAGA hat. But then, I don't live on Planet Asshole.
MAGA1776 - August 18, 20:12 @RussiaBot1917: LOL
BLM4EVA1865 - August 18, 20:21 @RussiaBot1917: He was wearing it internally. Read Robin DiAngelo and educate yourself, you racist fuck.
KarenKilla - August 18, 20:33 Fuckin A. I'm sick of these nazi douchebag's coming on here, sharing their dumbass opionion's and shutting people down with 'facts'. Who cares about 9/11 and Bin Laden, anyway? We've got worse thing's going on right now, like the BAME Holocaust at the hand's of racist cop's.
AllCopsMustFry - August 18, 20:34 George Floyd > 9/11.
BLM4EV1865 - August 18, 20:36 @AllCopsMustFry: THIS.
KarenKilla - August 18, 20:41 @AllCopsMustFry: We need to launch a Black op's mission against Derek Chauvin NOW.
JUstinBieberLover39888655592 - August 18, 22:09 We shud blow evry f-ing thing xcept Afganistan on the map off like Eminem sed. that will teech us fur bein rasists
