WordJam: Flattening the Curve of Festivity

Merry fucking Christmas x

What You Didn't Miss: The Beatles: Get Back (Disney+, 2021)

Screen black.  

Caption:                                     THE BEATLES: GET BACK

                                Directed by Michael Lindsay-Hogg Peter Jackson

Fade in.

Caption:                            Twickenham Film Studios, January 1969

Paul McCartney sits on a sofa, idly strumming his guitar. John Lennon walks in with a large sack of tambourines. He sets them down and slumps himself in the chair opposite Paul.

JOHN: All right, Paul.

PAUL: 'Ey, John.

JOHN: Wha' ya doin'?

PAUL: Just writin' a song.

JOHN: Wha's it called?

PAUL: Get Back.

JOHN: 'Ey, who d'yer think you're callin' a get, ya cheeky get?

PAUL: No one, ya dozy get.

JOHN: [Grins] Had ya, though, didn't I?

PAUL: Ya smug get.

George Harrison walks in wearing a turban, rubbing his hands from the cold.

GEORGE: [Nods] Namo Buddhaya, fellas.

JOHN and PAUL: All right, George.

GEORGE: Wha's goin' on?

JOHN: Paul's writin' a song.

GEORGE: Wha's it called?

PAUL: Get Back.

GEORGE: 'Ey, peace out, lar. I was only askin'.

JOHN: That's the name of the song, ya dopey get.

GEORGE: Anythin' for a sitar?

PAUL: On yer bike.

Ringo Starr enters carrying a copy of Drumming for Beginners under his arm.

RINGO: 'Ow do, banderinos.

John, Paul and George share a furtive, annoyed look, then-

JOHN: [Sighs] Ringo.

RINGO: Wha' youse up to?

GEORGE: Paul's writin' a song.

RINGO: Oh, eh? Wha's it called? 

GEORGE: Get Back.

RINGO: 'Ere, don't you call me a get, ya get.

JOHN: Ya soft get...

Fade out.

Caption:                                          TWO HOURS LATER

Fade in.

GEORGE: I'm just sayin' maybe we should try another concept album.

JOHN: Like wha'?

GEORGE: I dunno... Vikings or sum'n.

RINGO: Wha'-? Gladiators an' all that shite?

PAUL: That was the Romans.

RINGO: Wha' did the Vikings 'ave, then?

PAUL: They 'ad longboats.

JOHN: Oh, yeah? How long did they 'ave 'em?

PAUL: Ya saucy get.

A technician enters followed by a figure wearing a fur coat and a pirate hat.

TECHNICIAN: Visitor, John.

He steps to one side to reveal Yoko Ono.

JOHN: All right, Yoko.

They rub noses.

YOKO: Klaatu barada nikto.

Ringo leans over to George.

RINGO: [Whispers] Wha' she say?

George motions to keep schtum.

JOHN: 'Ere, lars, I've been thinkin'. Any chance Yoko can do sum'n on the album?

PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO: No.

JOHN: Oh, eh! Come on - she plays a mean tambourine.

PAUL: So I've 'eard. Someone should report her to the Royal Society for the Protection of Musical Instruments. She's worse than Ringo. [To Ringo] No offence, lar.

RINGO: None taken.

JOHN: It's avant garde!

PAUL: Avant garde a clue, more like. Ya chi-chi get.

JOHN: No, you get.

PAUL: Ya great get.

JOHN: [Grits teeth] Get.

PAUL: [Mumbles] Get.

JOHN: Ya GET.

There's an awkward pause, then-

PAUL: You wanna hear me song, then?

JOHN: ...Yeah, go 'ead.

- Continues for another unbearably smug, mind-bendingly pointless six hours.