Screen black.
Caption: THE BEATLES: GET BACK
Directed by Michael Lindsay-Hogg Peter Jackson
Fade in.
Caption: Twickenham Film Studios, January 1969
Paul McCartney sits on a sofa, idly strumming his guitar. John Lennon walks in with a large sack of tambourines. He sets them down and slumps himself in the chair opposite Paul.
JOHN: All right, Paul.
PAUL: 'Ey, John.
JOHN: Wha' ya doin'?
PAUL: Just writin' a song.
JOHN: Wha's it called?
PAUL: Get Back.
JOHN: 'Ey, who d'yer think you're callin' a get, ya cheeky get?
PAUL: No one, ya dozy get.
JOHN: [Grins] Had ya, though, didn't I?
PAUL: Ya smug get.
George Harrison walks in wearing a turban, rubbing his hands from the cold.
GEORGE: [Nods] Namo Buddhaya, fellas.
JOHN and PAUL: All right, George.
GEORGE: Wha's goin' on?
JOHN: Paul's writin' a song.
GEORGE: Wha's it called?
PAUL: Get Back.
GEORGE: 'Ey, peace out, lar. I was only askin'.
JOHN: That's the name of the song, ya dopey get.
GEORGE: Anythin' for a sitar?
PAUL: On yer bike.
Ringo Starr enters carrying a copy of Drumming for Beginners under his arm.
RINGO: 'Ow do, banderinos.
John, Paul and George share a furtive, annoyed look, then-
JOHN: [Sighs] Ringo.
RINGO: Wha' youse up to?
GEORGE: Paul's writin' a song.
RINGO: Oh, eh? Wha's it called?
GEORGE: Get Back.
RINGO: 'Ere, don't you call me a get, ya get.
JOHN: Ya soft get...
Fade out.
Caption: TWO HOURS LATER
Fade in.
GEORGE: I'm just sayin' maybe we should try another concept album.
JOHN: Like wha'?
GEORGE: I dunno... Vikings or sum'n.
RINGO: Wha'-? Gladiators an' all that shite?
PAUL: That was the Romans.
RINGO: Wha' did the Vikings 'ave, then?
PAUL: They 'ad longboats.
JOHN: Oh, yeah? How long did they 'ave 'em?
PAUL: Ya saucy get.
A technician enters followed by a figure wearing a fur coat and a pirate hat.
TECHNICIAN: Visitor, John.
He steps to one side to reveal Yoko Ono.
JOHN: All right, Yoko.
They rub noses.
YOKO: Klaatu barada nikto.
Ringo leans over to George.
RINGO: [Whispers] Wha' she say?
George motions to keep schtum.
JOHN: 'Ere, lars, I've been thinkin'. Any chance Yoko can do sum'n on the album?
PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO: No.
JOHN: Oh, eh! Come on - she plays a mean tambourine.
PAUL: So I've 'eard. Someone should report her to the Royal Society for the Protection of Musical Instruments. She's worse than Ringo. [To Ringo] No offence, lar.
RINGO: None taken.
JOHN: It's avant garde!
PAUL: Avant garde a clue, more like. Ya chi-chi get.
JOHN: No, you get.
PAUL: Ya great get.
JOHN: [Grits teeth] Get.
PAUL: [Mumbles] Get.
JOHN: Ya GET.
There's an awkward pause, then-
PAUL: You wanna hear me song, then?
JOHN: ...Yeah, go 'ead.
- Continues for another unbearably smug, mind-bendingly pointless six hours.
